So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
