Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
