I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
