i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's blow job season.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
