hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
