I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
