True but thats because hes a fetus.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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