I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
