Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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