I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
