after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
