Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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