In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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