Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
