we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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