you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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