I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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