It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
After last night, I could never be a politician.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize