This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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