She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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