Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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