If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need to wash the frat house off of me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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