I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
