no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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