I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
