that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
