Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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