Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
where am i from again
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
