What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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