I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize