Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
