I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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