Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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