Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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