I'm eating all of the evidence.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
