Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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