I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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