If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
