Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
