I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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