It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
