i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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