dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
