I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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