I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
