omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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