woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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