You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
