genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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