It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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