I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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