She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
