I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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