I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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