I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
