It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
