dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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