I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
