I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
