he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
